Thursday, January 11, 2018

A Gap

One nice thing about the company I work for are the extra-days off during the Xmas break. I managed to parlay this into 12 consecutive days this year (including weekends). I can count on one hand the number of times I left the house. Which is just the way I like it…except for this year, the cold really got to me.

This little break in the year is typically when I’m most productive. In the days before electricity and windows at the Lodge, I’d get up early at the apartment, fill my thermos and head out to work for the day..as long as the temps were in the 20’s or so. I could warm my hands on a small kerosene heater, but that was about it. I drywalled the downstairs this way, built the kitchen and island, built the first gen garage doors, even worked on siding from the picker. Later, along with insulated walls and heat, this break became the perfect time for indoor work. There was one break where I completed the bamboo ceiling sections in CS3, and cut, stained and installed all the window trim for the 40+ linear feet of windows. Some years, this break has been the perfect time for Relay Computer work. Hand assembling boards with thousands of solder joints. Grueling work, taking around 6 hours per board, if I recall, which is why it took multiple seasons to complete all six.

But this year was different. Sure, I knocked out the annual tasks, like taking all the glassware down in the dining area, cleaning the works and re-arranging. Cleaning and organizing downstairs CS3. Getting the DD stove back to 100% operation. And other yawn-worthy things. As much as I wanted to knock out a little Relay Comp work, the bites were too big. I did manage to assemble and load the firmware on ‘the LittleGP-30’ computer (Google it). Oh, and started building a steel cart for the RR Mark V. That is, before I managed to sun-burn my face from errant welding UV. December in the Midwest and I was applying aloe and dealing with peeling skin for a day or two...without the backstory of laying on a tropical beach.

Before I knew it, the days had passed (much more rapidly than expected) and I found myself back at work. Heck, I was almost glad to roll back in to a place with steady heat and dual monitors. This tells me I’m getting soft, nay, complacent. A bit of Stockholm syndrome, perhaps. With a finite amount of time on this planet, with the knowledge that it could be cut short tomorrow, there is simply no excuse to sit behind the desk of a passion-less job for 8 hours a day while the body atrophies. Don’t get me wrong, I (currently) don’t hate my job. But I do twinge when I think about the energy and creative spark I once had, fade so significantly. 

When I was a kid, if you had asked me to visualize a prototypical 'adult', I would have conjured up images of people my parents' age, going to work, paying the bills, buying groceries, but also being rather boring. Especially when you'd compare that mental image against pictures of them you'd find in a photo album taken 10, maybe 15 years earlier ("really? that's you!?"). I realize now it's not the growing up that causes this shift. It's the compromising. I've met many 30 year olds that are going on 60 (I plead the 5th). And spry young 70 year-olds that are living life to the fullest. Sure, frame of mind is part of it, but the image in that frame is shaped by the day-to-day.

The litmus test is, would I do this job 40 hours a week if there were no pay? If not, what would you want to do for zero pay that took the majority of the day, every day, for decades? If you can answer that question, then that’s the job to seek; the pay is merely a perk to keep the lights and heat on at home. If you can’t answer the question now, then when? Hopefully before your assets have become liabilities.